*NO LAUGHING  hahaha (except for me LOL)

How does one learn how to trust

When people often leave you in the dust

You keep wishing for something true

Open your eyes and see nothing new

I don’t know how you have been able,

Make them believe, you were an angel

To me, you look nothing that divine

Though it seems you’ve never looked defined

I see the real you, apparent and clearly

Mere thoughts of you now make me dreary

How can you say such words with ease?

Was that your intention, to simply appease?

For someone so seemingly wise and mature

You thought girls could be won with simple allure

It was a good thing it ended while it did

It was good thing relieving me from the deed

I really thought you were something different

I thought you’d be able to change me, but didn’t

People expected from me not you

In the end, it was you who flew

Do you always start things and not end it?

Did you find something new to play with?

Were you afraid to admit it?

Am I something that you can just omit?

It would’ve been fine to come clean

Did you really think you would remain unseen?

Why do you always act so impulsively?

And then you ask why it ended so badly

Did you not think it was your fault to begin with?

Expect memories to mere nothing, just myths.

You look now less like truth more like fiction

At least my characters act with more caution

Why do you run at the face rejection?

The man who stays wins more of the affection

You leave and get nothing but affliction

Now you are left faced with all that is hidden

A tough appearance does not cover insecurity

Toughness is only complemented with apathy

Those who do not learn to accept defeat

Confidence may be high but credibility deplete

Keep in mind women are extreme

They live to strive in hopes and dreams

To shatter those dreams and notions with a lie

Is as mean as it is when you ask them why they defy

I think now I’ll look at things with more cognition

For the last time, I hope I’ve learned my lesson

I just remembered watching “The Reaping” and Hilary Swank giving the 10 Plagues a scientific explanation. I’m much of a skeptic as the next person, but I have faith. Keep saying that because, even though I question a lot of things mostly the church, I still tend to look for a divine purpose. Call me naive, but that has never failed for me.

I often ask “Why?” Why me? Why them? Why now? Why does it have to happen?

You have to admit that you ask that too, more often than you think. It just proves that even though science has answered a lot of question and proven a lot of things, there is still so much of the world we haven’t even started to comprehend and maybe never will.

For atheists, I think we should all be thankful for having a God. I don’t believe in religion, because it divides humankind. It’s obvious that we believe in the same things, we only call it different names and we worship them in different ways. Humans interpret things differently too, so matter how much you have faith on your religion, interpreting it and carrying out as a mission solely depends on each person.

Instead of being united, as God would want us to be, we persecute other religions because they are different from us. Being different was never wrong, but because of our world’s history, it has induced fear. Fear of the different often leads to poor judgement. Fear often blinds us to what is important, we see things that aren’t there, and in turn we don’t see what must be seen.

So anyway, I’ve thinking a lot about the 10 plagues. It’s kinda a random thought that pops in my head.

Science have given it explanation. I’ve always believed in facts, so I believe it.

For those who haven’t heard of it, or read it:

In 1400 B.C., a group of nervous Egyptians saw the Nile turn red. But what they thought was blood was actually an algae bloom which killed the fish, which prior to that had been living off the eggs of frogs. Those uneaten eggs turned into record numbers of baby frogs who subsequently fled to the land and died. Their little rotting frog bodies attracted lice and flies. The lice carried the bluetongue virus, which killed 70% of Egypt's livestock. The flies carried glanders, a bacterial infection which in humans causes boils. Soon afterwards, the Nile River Valley was hit with a three-day sandstorm otherwise known as the plague of darkness. During the sandstorm, intense heat can combine with an approaching cold front to create not only hail, but also electrical storms which would have looked to the ancient Egyptians like fire from the sky. The subsequent wind would have blown the Ethiopian locust population off course and right into downtown Cairo. Hail is wet, locusts leave droppings spread both on grain, and you have got mycotoxins. Dinnertime in ancient Egypt meant the first-born child got the biggest portion which in this case meant he ate the most toxins, so he died. Ten plagues. Ten scientific explanations.

NOw of you read closely, it doesn’t look like God gave plagues at all, right? It seems like a series of natural incidents. Nature is god, again, Paganism is just another kind of belief, but believing in nature is just the same as believing in an actual god.

I looked at it again, and it seems like God gave just one plague, and it seemed like it wasn’t even that big of a deal. The one people didn’t notice: The algae.

It’s the same isn’t it? Why?

Why has the river turned to blood? Why did the fish die?

Here’s another question: How?

And with that one answer, everything seemed to make sense. If people were smarter back then, they would’ve figured it out. There weren’t ten plagues, just one, it just had a lot of effects.

For me, God is subtle. Like a ripple in a pond. he touches the water and looks as the ripples get bigger and bigger, but it soon dies down. He throws one small problem at a time and he lets nature takes its course, like free will. That’s why small things should never be taken for granted, it’s often the small things that he gives, we just have to wait for the ripple to get bigger.

*note: hey we all have our own opinions. leave me to mine, but I'm interested if you have something to say. ^^

So I read earlier from yahoo's home page that Filipinas are being stereotyped as dosmetic helpers all over the world. I don't want to admit it, but it's true. but you know what, in our country's current standing, I'd rather go abroad, work there and be stereotyped. Let's face it, we're in a dying country: politically and ecologically (is that even  a word?). If global warming doesnt kill us, our government will. So what do you do when you're survival is at stake?

We run. Flee. Go to the other side of the bridge where the grass is much greener.

We run; we survive.

or so we thought. sure the grass is greener on the other side, but it's not always that easy. not easy is an understatement. Sometimes to get what you want, you have to go through hell. and that's exactly what some of our people experience just to achieve what they think they won't ever achieve here.

Isn't that suppose to be a wake-up call for our government? ofw's know the risks, the dangers of going abroad and yet, they still insist on going there. They'd rather suffer there, than suffer here, because, in the end, suffering there is still a lot better than suffering here. For some, it'll all be worth it in the end, so they persevere. Here, no matter how much you suffer, it still looks like a lost cause.

In our generation, our parents work hard to get us through our education, to put us in colleges and universities. and yet when we graduate, not all of us will pursue our chosen careers because it isn't available. What is available though is a job, that doesn't exactly need an education, just a 2-3 week training course and you're in.

So why the hell did we ever go to school, worked our butts off and wasted our parents' money if we could have gotten a job that would take 2 weeks to learn?

In the end, we'll be all underemployed.

But to a Filipino? it doesn't really matter anymore. as long as it puts food on the table, it doesn't matter whether you're categorized, labeled a domestic helper, or that you're under employed.

for the sake of survival, sometimes we dont care what we do, or how we do it, or what the consequences may be. That could either be a good thing or a bad thing. Taking a leap of faith doesn't always end happily.

But you know what? We're good. It's either we're really talented or we just work so hard that we get real good. It's not really that hard, it's just the situations we're in that makes it seem impossible.

Every lunch time we watch "Eat Bulaga" at the place we eat at.

I just noticed that the first they ask a teenager contestant is if he or she is studying. if the answer is yes; mild shock. and they ask what they are doing now, if the answer is they are incoming __yr college student; amazement.

it's like, students, particularly college students, aren't suppose to join these kinds of things because they're headed for a better future.

A lot of colleges or institutes nowadays offer 2 year courses. I took a 5-year course, failed 2 sems, so basically i took if for 6 years. I don't think you get quality education for just 2 years. But then again, it may depend on the course, but still?

Instead of crash coursing subjects so that they could work immediately, why not make it worthwhile. Harness whatever talent that person has so that he/she will have, not just a good future, but a better one.

students apply for quota courses becaue it's what's in demand, but not really what they want and so they fail to enjoy what they do. it's sad sometimes. I have this classmate in highschool, who had real talent in sketching and rendering and i found out, he's a security guard. where's the justice in that?

Another thing that caught my attention on Eat Bulaga was one of Pia's comments.

She asked what that boy was taking, and he answered MasCom. Then she asked why did he take that and he answered, it was because we wanted to join showbiz and then she said, "Eh bakit ka pa nagaral? Hindi ka nlng nagartista kagad."

My advice to that boy, continue studying so that he wouldn't end up like Pia and start saying stupid things like. Seriously? Why on earth would you tell that to a kid? It was like she was telling him to stop studying and join them right then and there. As if that would ever happen. What are the chanced of a studio contestant being offered a job?

Studying to join showbiz, is reasonable, its not stupid. If you succeed, then good for you. If not, at least you have a fall back plan. Seriously, after that, I looked at Pia like if the Philippines had dumb blondes, she'd be it. 

What is the world coming to?

I also read about the issues against the Vatican. That actually made me laugh. Here's what I think: I have nothing against the church, I look at it as a group where you belong to, where people can relate with/to you. Those heading it, I don't buy so much. For me, they've done too many flawed things for them to be telling us what not to do. I mean I agree with what they're saying, I just don't agree with them saying it. they're credibilty is failing; bad.

That comment from a head dignitary made me laugh, because, he was eager to answer the issue. He did not think of his answer, he just wanted it answered and thought that the people would leave it at that. And since when did that happen? now it's all over the internet, and is being criticized by people who actually know what they're saying.

behaviour of people should never be associated with other behaviours, unless you can prove it. Isn't everyone different? at least that's what I think. So to generalize, group and relate these behaviours is a wrong move. It's just like judging someone and they, of all people, should know otherwise.

So, so far, that's what I've read. my fingers are tired and im getting sleepy. Completely irrelevant but yeah... I ran out of things to write. lol.

so... goodnight. ^^

note: these are my opinions, this is just how I see it. I accept any violent reactions, but don't make me take them back. ayt?

I seriously need a shrink. as in seriously. I think I actually am suffering from depression and it's not just the mood, as in sever clinical depression. it's not always though, but most of the time.

It all started when everything went down last year, during thesis final week. that was just mild depression, but nobody talked to me during that time because they were either mad or disappointed at me or they were busy. Ever since then, I've had episodes where I'll be so down and lonely and suicidal. There were times when I'd be ok one minutes and then I'd be crying the next, for no apparent reason. Well there is actually, but it's like my tears get ahead of themselves and I cry before i even realize what it's for.

Ever since then, my fears have amplified.

My fears have developed new fears.My anger and sadness leads to frustration or vice versa.

I have so much pent up emotion because nobody around me knows how to listen. Besides, i can't keep ranting can I?

sometimes I try to laugh it off, make a joke out of it so that it wouldn't seem so serious, but sometimes, that just makes me feel worse.

Since then, since the lack of people to talk to... i've trained myself to shut up. but of course there will be times when I can't just take it anymore and I snap.

Right now, I'm training myself not to snap, it's just harder because now I'm not letting any of it out.

and i think it's because of that that I feel so depressed.

I need a shrink bad. I just need someone to talk to who wont be annoyed at me, who won't stop me from talking, who won't judge me for the things I know and speak of, who will take it seriously when I say I'm depressed, who will tell me what to do to stop me from feeling this way, who will try to make me feel better and not attack my weaknesses, who won't make sumbat, who won't turn ever good thing I say around and make it as if its the total opposite, who won't make me feel all worhless and useless and and not to be trusted.

I just need someone to talk to and tell me that it's not that bad or not that all bad or that it will be ok someday; it may not be today, I know but someday.

Ok maybe I just need for someone to make me feel good, because people around me just keeps making me feel bad. I need to escape...I need to get away from them, but I'm attached. I dont attach myself that easily so when I am attached... its so hard to get dettached

I need a shrink. I really really need a shrink.