Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
~Bill Waterson
Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.
For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, "It might have been".
~John Greenleaf Whittier
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.
~Buddha
... also known as jea.
4th year archi ust
i'm extremely moody.
i like reading books... parang bookworm...
i know, boring right?
i sing (dreaming of entering american idol [lolz!])...
i'm impatient and medyo (who am i kidding?)
sobrang ksp....
i'm currently in-like with no one in particular
<-yeah riiiiiiiight!
and yup...gs2 kong binabara ang sarili ko...
it's my birthday today and i can honestly say that this is the worst birthday ever!!!!
no offense... but there were some "events" that really put me down today...
like, today... i wasn't feeling very well after the physics test... i was feeling a little sleepy too...
and the night before, i made a wish... well, i prayed, rather, i prayed that... this is really stupid... that i didn't want to be alone anymore... i wanna stop feeling so alone and abandoned... i wanna stop envying those who get their way...
guess what i got as a gift...he, ****, told me that he likes somebody else!!!! and he even told me that i was third person he told next to his sister and bestfriend!!!!
do i have to feel good about it??? what am i suppose to feel??? be happy to know that i'm one of the people he trusts???? am i suppose to thank him for that???? i don't think so????
no offense to him, but instead of making me feel good... you actually ruined my day... but i can't help but smile everytime you look at me...
why do they always do that??? why do THEY have to tell ME that they're in love or they like someone else....??? what am i? a shrink??? are they expecting me to ask, "and how do you feel about that?"? i don't think so!!!
i'm not some guidance counselor they can come running to everytime they need help with their lives!!! i do have a life of my own... thank you very much!!! and it might be even more miserable than yours!!!
*sigh*
if you wanna know what's his name, it's _L__. can't say the name...
to maek matters worse.. i wasn't really feeling that bad about it... i guess my sadness was amplified by ava's song... sobrang nakakatama
i was afraid this time would come i wasnt prepared to face this kind of hurtin from within i have learned to live my life beside you maybe ill just dream of you tonight and if into my dream you come and touch me once again ill just keep on dreaming till my heartaches end
this was the song that she was singing to me...argh!!! i wanna get over this na.... i know i will i just wanna get over it now!!! what the hell is taking so long???
....
....
anyway, after classes... i was kinda hoping that i'll be able to eat at BURGOO with my family... i was really anxious about it.
then my dad was kinda late... and i was thinking that maybe they were planning a surprise... but then... i wasnt expecting the surprise that i was gonna get....
he scolded us... about not using our cellphones properly and it's all because of my sister!!!
thanks a lot sis!!!
argh!!!
summary of worst birthday ever:
1. got my day ruined by the guy i like. 2. didn't eat at BURGOO 3. get scolded by dad 4. have fight with sister... 5. bestfriend forgot birthday! 6. pissed of by everyone!!! (not really... only after everything happened)
i just watched "troy" i wasn't really that interested in it maybe because... i dunno... i didn't think brad pitt was really hot in that film but nonetheless, i still think he's hot...
i was forced to watch it because we were gonna read "the iliad" by homer and everyone was talking about troy and i couldn't understand what they were saying. hindi ako maka-relate!!!
so there, everytime i watch a movie like that, movies that are based on true stories or novels, i always research about it... wanting to prove or to know if that' what really happened.
the trojan war is part of greek mythology. i didn't see any mythology in there. it was like history... a true to life story which is good in a way. while i was watching the movie i was thinking, "did this really happen in greek history?"
it didn't look fiction. i was expecting to see gods, goddesses and nymphs cause i know that that was what "the iliad" was like.
plus, in the movie, the war only lasted for at less than a month but it said in "the iliad" the war lasted for ten years.
anyway, i understand. you won't be able to show ten in years in a 21/2 movie right? i just thought that they squeezed in ten years in three weeks...
i really didn't like the way achilles died... i haven't read "the iliad" so i don't really know how did he die, i just watched the film and i didn't like the way he died.
how could the greatest warrior alive, during that time, be killed by paris??? of all people and it had to be paris??? paris who has no experience in war whatsoever????
paris couldn't even kill menalaus??? and hector killed menalaus but couldn't kill achilles... then achilles gets killed by paris????
how twisted is that???
one things for sure though... i am a hopeless romantic so in short, i ilke the love story.
paris and helen, hector and his wife, achilles and briseis. i think that in the midst of war, love was still able to surface especially between achilles and briseis.
when king priam took hector's body and asked briseis to come back with him, i was kinda hoping that briseis will choose to stay along achilles' side.
why is it that "the iliad" refers to paris as a seducer when i think that paris really does love helen?
i feel like a lot of people know who i really am now... and honestly... i don't like it... i don't like the fact that people can now predict what i'm gonna say or do next...
when i'm really depressed... i usually blurt out everything that's bothering me through writing.. but if it has smething to do with my family it all different...
especially when it comes to my dad...i always can't help but cry everytime i remember something from our past.... it's like, no matter how long ago that was it always seems relive that sadness it once brought....
like i said.. it's like everyone now knows my past... i think i'm gonna lay low for a while and return to my old self and keep everything within me...
there's only one person in the world that has, have and will know me and that's kae.... from all my friends she's the only i have ever trusted... maybe becasue of the fact that we have actually gone through everything....
...my point is... i'm gonna keep quiet for now and go back to being the girl everybody tries to figure out.... like before... people would ask questions like:
"what's her problem?"
"who is she talking about?"
"why were she crying?"
"how come i don't know anything about her?"
i know that you might find it strange that most people wear themselves on their sleeves... but i am not like that... i don't want my life to be public... it really makes me feel uncomfortable when i'm around someone who knows my past and yet we're really not that close... do you wanna know why?
isn't it that each person looks at you differently? those who know you by heart can understand what you are going through than someone who knows you only as a girl and nothing else and then finds out that you're this kind of girl...
the way they look at you suddenly changes... like... some will pity you, some will think that you're just trying to get the attention of the people, they misunderstand you.. like for example... i told one person about what happened during my birthday and her reaction was not what i expected... i really didn't need to expect that kind of reaction that i wanted to get since we really weren't that close... but you get the picture right?
it's hard... as much as i want to be open... i really don't want to... when it's a secret... it really is a secret.... especially when i know that they wouldn't understand why or what or who it is...
MASOCHIST meaning i find pleasure from things that inflict pain and suffering....
waaaah!!! exag! ang drama ko na naman...grrrr... !!!
i'm not really a masochist it's just that pain doesn't bother me as much as before and it's not that i actually want to be hurt but maybe because i'm teaching myself that if i was able to overcome pain... then my problems would be over..... but that's not the case....
i'm a very emotional person and for someone as emotional as me... i sure don't know how to release any of them.... i feel a lot of emotion inside of me... but i don't know how to release them... i have only one output and that's my eyes...
meaning, when i'm sad... i cry...
when i'm angry, i cry....
when i'm frutrated.... i cry....
even when i'm happy... i cry....
it's the only thing i do.... i cry.... but sometimes i find it better to cry that to smile all the time... do you wanna know why?
well, for one, it's killing my jaws and cheeks... it is hard holding them like that for a long time....
second, crying is a better way of expressing yourself than smiling... it's like you're lying to yourself and to everybody else... smiling is only for the happy people.... you don't smile when you're angry, you don't smile when you're irritated... you don't smile when there is nothing to smile about.... that's insane.....
i used to that.... i used to smile a lot... it creeped a lot of people... i still do that today...
wait....
....
i just remembered why i always smile even though i'm really angry or sad or anything.... smiling is also my way of reliving myself of all that anger and pain.... i just remebered that it's not insanity... it's actually the reason why i'm still sane.....
why would you bring yourself down by crying when you could try to forget and smile about everything that you've gone through..... right?
have you read, "my kind of hell" it's so obvious that i'm not that evil as people say... in fact.... i'm only evil when i want to be, but i'm naturally a good person.... i don't even know how to get mad!!! for crying out loud!!!
i curse a lot but i can never really curse someone face to face... like, when i'm angry with that person i dont say.....******* or *****, **** and others.... i only use those words for expressions but i never use them to insult or hurt someone.... like i said, i'm not that evil....
sometimes i wish i was that evil, then i wouldn't have any problems with my anger management....i'm such a softy, a simple sorry is enough to melt my heart.... argh!!!!
another output is my writing... if you've really affected me in someway, you'll soon find a character from one of my stories similar to yourself... although, i usually split a person's personalities into different characters just so it wouldn't be too obvious.... my dad realize that he was in my story once that's why i've been a little more careful...
i'm so tired.... my hand hurts because of my self-inflicted wounds(-_o), my arms hurt from playing airhockey....my back hurts from dong my major plate... in short, my whole body aches....
so for now, i'm going to keep smiling... just figure out why...(^_^)
now that everybody knows who HE is.. i'm still not going to say who he is.... anyway, everyone's been giving THE LOOK!
what's up with that?!?! lalo na si chin!!! as if!!!i'm not in love with the guy for crying out loud!!! i just like him because he's so makulit!!!
here's the deal: i am not in love with him!!!! why is everybody so makulit?!?!? i just like him!!! honest!!!!! i just like him!!! so in short, i'm not affected na may nililigawan sya.... i don't have to get over him kasi wla naman talaga!!! hindi ako kinikilig kpag mgkasama kami... as in wla talaga.... eh hindi nga sya yung type ko na guy eh....
bka dati oo...lagi nmn ako ganun eh...pero ngaun....wala!
wala talaga as in wala!!!! kya stop giving me that look... yung look na... "jea si ____ oh," or "kinikilig ka nman" or .... basta yung look na yun!!!!
and daming meaning pero hindi nmn dpat kasi wala nga!!! and dami nyo pa naman.... parang lahat kayo alam.... hindi ba halata na hindi sya ganun kaseryoso kasi kung seryoso talaga yun... hindi ko sasabihin sa inyo.... kya kung malaman nya... wala sa kin yun... kasi wala talaga... magagalit pa ako sa knya kpag... iniwasan nya aq dhil dun...hahaha
anyway....
stop it with that look!!!! it's really creepy!!!! parang..... waaaaah!!!! i don't know!!!! basta nakakabaliw kayo!!!!
wahahaha!!! wala lng....
oh...ayan lui, ngblog na ako about sa "look" mo! haha.
