i just realized how shallow people really are right now...

don't believe me? try watching the commercial of "HIYAS PAPAYA SOAP" or try listening to the advertisement of... wait. i forgot what the advertisement was about but it goes like this:

Girl: sa year 2004, makikita ko na ang soul mate ko...

Girl: sa year 2005, makikita ko na ang soul mate ko....

Girl: sa year 2006....

that's far as i can remember.... that's the part where they say the product... but its something the will make a girl sexy....

those commercials/ ads, tell it all. you have to be attractive to be loved by someone... i'm not saying they're doing the wrong thing, i mean they are giving girls, especially those with inferiority complexs, something to hope for like this product will make you more beautiful or something but all they're really doing is giving this girls false hopes just so they could sell their product... i know, i've tried... i'm one of those girls.

funny... hehehe..

maybe i'm the one that's defective... maybe they don't work on hopeless cases like me... hmmm.... i guess that's fine.. i already have a problem with myself why should i bother listening to those stupid commercials that attacks my weaknesses... i really shouldn't be.... err i dunno....

you may notice that it seems that i have a lot to say... that's because no one can see my face... and i can't see theirs... i don't care if i write a typo or my grammar is wrong cause i won't see their reactions and when i can't see anything i really don't care...

hmmm....

jhoe showed us this ad for this article-writing contest or something and she said we should all join and put our blogging powers to good use... but really? do i have what it takes to be a writer...?

when i was in fourth year i started having doubts about taking architecture as my course cause i started writing... i suddenly wanted to be a writer... i'm not saying i was good... in fact, it was pathetic... it was too childish... a four year old could've done better... too corny, my english was too "barok" too... but my classmates said it was good... they made my head grew so big, i thought i could pull it off...

what was it that made me want to be writer...? maybe because i could express myself better with WRITTEN  words rather than drawing a picture cause if you look at it closely, isn't that a picture says a thousand words... but are those the words that you really want to say? pictures can me misinterpreted... for me, words still say it better.... but will people like what i have to say? do i really have what it takes?

that's not really the problem now is it? what if people still misinterprets the words you say?

if i ever become a writer in a newspaper, i'd like to be in the opinion section cause no one can contradict me cause it's my opinion and i have the right to say what i'm thinking... but will people agree? if i'm going to write i'd like to meet those who share the same thoughts as mine... but i complicate things a bit.... okay maybe not a bit, a whole lot! so maybe people will not understand what i'm trying to say...

see that last paragraph... that was confusing.... i want to make a point but i can't seem to make one point only...from one point i jump onto the next point not explaining what the previous point was all about...

that why i'm doubting... do i really have what it takes?

i write reactions, essays, personal realizations or whatever you may call it but it's only for school and some of my professors like what i have to say....

we were supposed to make a newspaper for our sociology class on a certain encyclical and i we were assigned the "PACEM IN TERRIS" or "PEACE ON EARTH"

it's not something i think about constantly but i had a lot to say when i did the personal realization thingy and when he was checking it he kept looking at the "article" that i wrote and he said, "i'd like to give you a 50 (perfect score) but it's too much like a magazine, too informal" so he gave us a 49...

how can i make a formal reaction? i'm a teenager... i express myself in the way i want to... if it turns out to be informal then so be it... but i can't be honest unless i do it my way.... how about you? can you be honest if you were forced to do something in somebody else's way? can you truly express yourslef that way? 

i have so many questions so i'm thinking? do i really have what it takes to be a writer? cause i'd really like to be one....

your true color is Red!

Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.

i was doing my major plate when i decided to take a rest and watch t.v. then ate jelly came bursting in the room telling me that a lot of people had alreasy died.... i didn't know what she was talking about and she said that a lot of people died from the stampede that had happened in from of ULTRA... at first i was unable to believe that it's true... that a single television show could attract that many people and that death would become an outcome of it... i was wrong...

i changed the channel and ABS-CBN was showing how many people were outside ULTRA... i was still doubting the news ate said cause i don't see anyBODY and but there were a lot of lost children a lot of injured people...

that was this noon... when i watched tv again this afternoon... the death toll was about 90 i think..

one word.....WHOA!

it was really depressing... a lot of people were crying. for me, the only thing i could say is that i pity WOWOWEE... what a way to spend your anniversary... who'd have thought that when you set out to make a lot of people happy you end up hurting them instead....

i'm not saying that it's your fault, but i'm guessing that's what you're thinking right now... notice the title? i don't blme you for what happened... i blame all those greedy people who can't wait to get rich.. i guess it's because you spoiled them... but nonetheless...

how greedy can you people get? and now, who's the one crying?

ang sad talaga....

i really can't do this... i can't do a lot of things and when i say i can't i really can't... the problem is... i have trouble saying no...

i can't work under pressure... i panic and i mess things up when i'm under pressure...

you see it's like this... i keep thinking that i'm gonna make a fool out of myelf if i do this and that... that's what i keep on thinking and because of that... because of this fear... i end up doing the  things that will make a fool out of myslef... but i just can't help it...

i feel really lousy...

i've got of things to do but... i don't want to do them because... aaah! i don't know!!! there's really something wrong with me right now... i feel really lousy and sad and alone and i feel really sucky... i wanna shake off the feeling but everything i do only makes the feeling grow deeper and deeper... argh!!!

what the heck is wrong with me?!?!? i want to be KSP again!!! this is driving me nuts!!!!

i want to do something dangerous just so i could shake this freaky feeling off of me... i hate it... gosh i feel really lousy...

"a strange feeling of emptiness is taking over me"

weird talaga... and look! that phrase is back... last time it happened was when i remembered... si... yun... si Mr. Guilt-trip...*sigh* i still feel guilty but he's not really the reason why i feel like this right now.. as i've said i don't know what's wrong with me... *sigh*

lousy

lousy...

i'm listening to beyonce's CHECK ON IT... i thought something funky would lift my spirit up but... nope, it's not working. i still feel really lousy... *sigh*

i want to sleep... but that's not gonna do me any good...

waaaah!!! change topic!

may cd ni santana yung dad ko and i just fell in love with the song JUST FEEL BETTER feat STEVEN TYLER...

ganda ng title noh? maybe that's why i like the song... cause i also wanna feel better...

JUST FEEL BETTER carlos santana feat steven tyler

She said I feel stranded
And I can't tell anymore
If I'm coming or I'm going
It's not how I planed it
I've got the key to the door
But it just won't open

And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
I don't, I don't, I don't
It goes I never went before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better

She said I need you to hold me
I'm a little far from the shore
And I'm afraid of sinking
You're the only one who knows me
And who doesn't ignore
That my soul is weeping

I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
Everything must have it seasons
Round and round it goes
And every day's a one before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything to just feels better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better

I'm tired of holding on
To all things I ought to leave behind, yeah
It's really getting nowhere
I think I need a little help this time!

Yeah
[Guitar solo]

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better

*sigh*

*sigh*

*sigh*

sometimes i really hate when people tell me what to do... not that i don't need it but sometimes they go too far and they make me feel like i'm this dumb girl or i'm this irresponsible... argh!!!

he calls me to tell me that i've been wasting my life and stuff like that.. when he's the one who's been bumming out this past year... argh!!

the nerve! who the hell is he anyway?! after all this time he calls me just to give me a sermon?!?!? agh! bullshit! he is in no position to tell me to fix my life when he can't even fix his!!!!

the nerve!!! he is so full of #@#$%^&^&&*%^&!!!!!! ergh!!!