a lot has happened lately. and I do mean A LOT. but to tell you the truth... nothing has changed. I still see the world as I did before that incident happened. I didn't even feel sorry for all the bad things I've done. In short, though everybody says that this is my second life, I feel like I didn't really leave the first one. I'm still the half-evil Jea. Sure, maybe what happened was pretty serious... it's just that, I don't really feel it. Maybe I was lucky, but I don't feel it. The one time I'm lucky and I didn't feel it. I still feel like such a klutz. as my sister would call me, "KLUTZILLA"

Anyway, as I have said...nothing has changed. No regrets, no worries..I'm not sorry about anything. I was confident I wasn't going to die. (believe me, I've tried. lol) however... every time somebody tells me how lucky I am or that they were/are glad that I'm fine, I cry... I don't know if I'm touched or maybe I do feel happy that I am alive.

I am thankful to everybody who took care of me. You have no idea how thankful I am. The mere fact that I know you got my back, makes me feel better.

I know, I'm blogging about this a little late, it's just that, I haven't really been doing a lot of thinking, just now and it's so EMO. hahaha.

I still don't have any regrets though. I can't think of any. I don't have any unfinished businesses (maybe I do, but I really don't care if I finish them or not), I'm still not saying the "L" word to a certain somebody (not even death can make me say that ...maybe I don't really like him that much then..hmmmm....)...oh well.

ah shet. this blog wasn't really supposed to be for that. this was supposed to be about my "men are jerks and women are stupid" drama.

then again, maybe i shouldn't blog about that. I might say some insensitive things about the things I observe/see everyday... I do have a lot of thought about the current issues surrounding our class...but I guess I'll keep it to myself, or maybe I will blog about it and then keep it private (muahahaha). one thing is for sure though, we women are plastics. I just realized that. We are. I am. and if one you even deny that then you're a bigger plastic than you already are. Kaya don't deny it, embrace it. lol. 

 note: ignore typos and the wrong grammar(<-see?) too tamad to rewrite.
 

I live in two worlds. there's my world and there's our world. In OUR world, I'm the jea you see everyday. Smiling, emo and evil at times...the point here is that, that face that you see, it's a mask. A device invented to protect and to deceive and at times, it can also liberate.

so, there are three types of masks and two kinds of worlds. the mask I  wear in OUR world is the one that deceives; or at least, it's the one I usually wear. Sometimes, I bring along the one that protects but I often forget to bring the one that liberates. Point is, I seldom feel like myself when I'm with other people. Yes, I am a plastic and a pretty good one at that. I am all smiles when I'am around people and I can converse as though nothing is wrong... but once I step back into my world, that all changes.

Why am I telling you this, you might ask?

I guess it's my way of telling that we all have worlds of our own, meaning, we all have these "masks" and none of us really sees the real face behind the mask. We are all plastics and that no matter how much you say that you welcome us into your world, you really don't want to.

Your world is your sanctuary, the one place you feel is cruel and yet it still feels like the most honest place. It may feel lonely but when you think about it, it's a whole lot lonelier outside where everybody says what everybody else wants to hear and none of them is the truth. In our world, you know for a fact that people backstabs and lies and deceives and everything else of the sort; and you're doing it too but you can't be honest because you'll lose out to everyone else. Nobody will listen to you anyway.

Lately, I have seen the other worlds that people have created. I have caught a glimpse of what is inside and right when I was about to enter it, the door was shut at my face. I can take a hint. If I'm not wanted, I won't push it.

There really were more than just two worlds my world, the oustide world and a world I created for those who wants to become a part of my world, a sort of foyer. However, after everything that has happened lately, I have decided to demolish the foyer and thus it was down to two.

I took out the welcome rug too. From now on, it's just me and everybody else.

Sorry, it seems that I've misplaced the mask that liberates.

have you seen the movie "The Breakfast Club". There was a scene there, where this girl Allison (basketcase) dumped all of her things on the couch. If I'm correct, she was asked about one of the things there and she didn't want to talk about it. Andrew( athlete) said, "Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems."

I don't like it when people show they have problems but that's all they ever do. Show. They won't elaborate nor are they willing to share. then they get angry when somebody misinterprets it. Lack of communication is one of our biggest problems. We have to much misundertanding and yet no cares to explain and will leave it at that or worse, start a fight. If I'm guessing right, wars started this way.

Don't invite people into your problems when you're not willing to share. Do not welcome people into your world if your just gonna make them stand at the door.

too much thinking! all this time alone gets me whacked... I'm slipping back to my world! Ciao!