my first blog for the summer...considering that I'm bored out of my skull, I have managed to blog about something/ anything trivial; not that there was any excitement in my summer anyway... same as every year: BUM.

"I see stars..."

that simple phrase had me laughing until I turned blue [okay, exag] but the truth is, I haven't really laughed that much in a long time, since there isn't really anything to laugh about... you know that kind of laugh... an honest laugh.It wasn't forced and it was premeditated... an honest, spontaneous laugh.

you may think that these kinds of things are natural and that it comes often, but the truth is, things like honest laughs really are hard to come by.

expressions aren't what they seem anymore. As much as your face wants to tell everybody around you exactly how you feel, it doesn't. What's worse is that it's actually trying to convince the person wearing that said expression to feel that way.

I smiled yesterday. You know? that kind of smile that pops out of nowhere and the fact that it made you smile, made your smile even bigger. and then after a while, [I'm not trying to be emo here but...] I realized that no matter how good that smile felt, burried beneath it was anything but happiness. The more I thought about the thing/person that made me smile, made me realize that there really wasn't any reason why I should be smiling in the first place.

I just hate it when I think too much.

Instead of just being happy for the moment, I just ruined by thinking of all the things why I shouldn't be.

I smiled a real smile... and just as fast as that smile appeared, it was gone. Smiles were supposed to make people happy, not make them regret things or think about impossible what-if situations, but that's just exactly how I felt.

facial expressions aren't what they used to be. tears are for both sadness and happiness and apparently so are smiles. nothing is what it seems to be anymore; and you'll keep thinking its one or the other.

If you yourself, don't know how you feel, how will you be able to convince the people around you?

we've all heard the warnings... after hearing those warnings, for a minute or so, we are troubled by it; but after that, we go back to not caring at all. it's all because we've never seen permanent damages. and if there were it wasn't at all that visible.

seeing is believing, after all.

the earthquake in china...

the cyclone in myanmar...

it is summer time but this is actually the first time in my life that I didn't feel the heat of the summer.

before, me, my brother and sister, would eagerly wait for the first rainfall in May. it was much awaited because we'd be suffering from the heat for two months... but now, it's like we're waiting for it to stop raining.

Storms are popping out sooner than expected and the casualties it ensues are anything but expected.

it's here. visible damages. countless casualties. we knew it was inevitable and yet we did nothing. do we actually need more proof before something even worse happens?

its a vindictive wrath that no one can stop.

just a realization... we should all take their advice. watch the inconvenient truth. follow in earl's footsteps... DO SOMETHING.

have you ever thought about having a lot in common with someone but you just don't get along? how weird is that? you have a lot of things to talk about since, obviously, you share the same interests and yet you just don't have what it takes to talk to that person... can't even start a normal conversation.

but then you come across someone, who is completely different from you... so different that you keep bickering with each other over the simplest things and yet, you find yourself completely honest with that person. you're not afraid of saying the wrong thing because basically, to that person, everything you do say is wrong so... the hell with everything else.

its just that sometimes, I can't be that comfortable with friends like that. I feel like if I say the wrong thing, I'll lose them... unlike when you're arguing with someone, you're not really afraid of losing that person since you're relationship with him is basically built upon your differences and argument.

but you know... I don't consider myself honest that way. Unless, I can tell everybody how I feel exactly, then I can say that I have been honest but the truth is... I lie. A lot. You cannot even imagine the lies I tell a person in one day.

and yet I used to think... I can never lie when the situation asks for it... it sorta comes naturally, can't force it.

I watched "My Girl" the korean drama... and the girl there was a fabulous liar and a great actress, I could almost pass up as her... almost. I don't constantly lie and besides, her lies have really noble reasons behind them... mine doesn't.

I just lie for the heck of it. Simply because I don't want to tell the truth. It's not like I'm protecting someone, or its for the greater good or something... I just don't want to tell the truth.

I know...*bad jea!*

anyway... just a part of my bum moments. you know me, I like to think about really useless things.

another thing... I don't like to think about useful stuff, it hurts my brain. lol. ^o^