suddenly blogging has lost its meaning; at least for me. I can no longer say what I wanna say at the exact moment I thought of it, no more spontineity, no more randomness, no more rants...no more expression, no life no meaning. Yeah... all that gone because from now on, I have to watch my words.

Why is it that when I want people to read what I write nobody reads them? and when I expect no one reads what I write someone reads it.

*sigh*

the ups and downs of a controversial writer.

I shouldn't be blogging. I still have my thesis to finish (yeah it's still not done..almost; I dunno how to layout it *ehem* pa-layout!*ehem* LOL) Anyway..I have too much in my mind write now to think of obvious solutions that's right in front of my face playing with it shamelessly, but since I'm absentminded most of the time lately, I can't think of anything else but being stranded.

Yep. I was stranded. Where? in Cainta. in seemingly god-forsaken Cainta.

Oh I'm not complaining and I'm not whining...that was some...hmmm.. experience. I had fun though; but saying I had fun while people were dying and struggling seems really insensitive doesn't it? again I'm sorry for saying I had fun during the flood but... ok, maybe it wasn't fun, but it was some experience. One I wouldn't trade for anything in my life.

It was my first time at her house, imagine that. after that ordeal, I didn't want to leave. Her room, her house the streets, the view from her balcony already felt oh-so familiar. I also gained friends whilst confined in that house. We bonded over corned beef and luncheon meat. We craved and drooled over ice and begged for water.

I am saddened by what that flood brought to other people and what others had to go through to survive it. But it means so differently to me. Ends are markers for new beginnings. When I think of the loss, my mind wonders what that loss is making room for.

I'm a pessimist, believe me, but being depressed for things that we have lost only makes it harder to move on and let go. Things happen for a reason and we may not see that reason now, but it'll all make sense in the future.

No matter how much we lost there is always something to be thankful for.

I know what you're thinking. I didn't lose anyone. You're right, and I don't know how they feel, nor will I pretend to. I'm sorry for their loss, I can't even imagine losing someone nor do I wanna think about it. But like I said, ends are beginnings, there is always something to be thankful for like life or chance. We need not more agony because that will only keep us down. We need to look for the little things that make us feel better to get through this.

We need something to look forward to and not look back at things that drag us down.

We need to survive not only for ourselves but for those who depend on us and look up to us.

We can get through this, we can get through everything, every obstacle... we just have to find out how.