I seriously need a shrink. as in seriously. I think I actually am suffering from depression and it's not just the mood, as in sever clinical depression. it's not always though, but most of the time.

It all started when everything went down last year, during thesis final week. that was just mild depression, but nobody talked to me during that time because they were either mad or disappointed at me or they were busy. Ever since then, I've had episodes where I'll be so down and lonely and suicidal. There were times when I'd be ok one minutes and then I'd be crying the next, for no apparent reason. Well there is actually, but it's like my tears get ahead of themselves and I cry before i even realize what it's for.

Ever since then, my fears have amplified.

My fears have developed new fears.My anger and sadness leads to frustration or vice versa.

I have so much pent up emotion because nobody around me knows how to listen. Besides, i can't keep ranting can I?

sometimes I try to laugh it off, make a joke out of it so that it wouldn't seem so serious, but sometimes, that just makes me feel worse.

Since then, since the lack of people to talk to... i've trained myself to shut up. but of course there will be times when I can't just take it anymore and I snap.

Right now, I'm training myself not to snap, it's just harder because now I'm not letting any of it out.

and i think it's because of that that I feel so depressed.

I need a shrink bad. I just need someone to talk to who wont be annoyed at me, who won't stop me from talking, who won't judge me for the things I know and speak of, who will take it seriously when I say I'm depressed, who will tell me what to do to stop me from feeling this way, who will try to make me feel better and not attack my weaknesses, who won't make sumbat, who won't turn ever good thing I say around and make it as if its the total opposite, who won't make me feel all worhless and useless and and not to be trusted.

I just need someone to talk to and tell me that it's not that bad or not that all bad or that it will be ok someday; it may not be today, I know but someday.

Ok maybe I just need for someone to make me feel good, because people around me just keeps making me feel bad. I need to escape...I need to get away from them, but I'm attached. I dont attach myself that easily so when I am attached... its so hard to get dettached

I need a shrink. I really really need a shrink.